I was mad tired when I woke up. I spend 3 hrs talking about his/mine problems involving girls. From 12a.m-3a.m. I don’t know why, but I can really relate myself to him. It's like both of our relation are similar, but he’s right his is worst. I gave him a lot of advice to relax himself; but then I couldn’t help myself, what makes me think I can help him. I guess it’s just how life is, you fall get back up and fall again until you find a perfect platform where you can never fall again. I gave myself him, and time is all I need; now I can say I’m full recovered. Thanks to my friends that stood by my side.

     “You can’t promise a promise.” Even though you made a promise, you can't promise to keep it. Promises are just lies or temporary expression. That was then and this is now. Promises don’t last forever. Love also. Nothing in this world lasts forever. Forever, this word is so redundant. I told myself once and so did her “I’ll love you forever” but then look at me now, Apart! I don’t get how a person can be so simple; don’t really care about other’s emotions. I can totally compare myself to my friend; I can feel his pain and struggle. I wish I can help, but first I have to help myself and build myself back together and not let my friends worry about me.  

     Wow!! Today was the best, I absolutely didn’t dream at all. I slept at 12:30 and I woke up 30 mins ago without dreaming. So unusual. Well, I know that this isn’t going to last, soon I’ll be having back those dreams again and waking up with misery. “~As~DiStAnCE~TEsTs~a~hOrSe's~StReNgTh~S0~tIme~reVeaLS¤~a~peR§0n'S~ heArT~” I guess this applies to me. “Only time can tell time” ç my quote. Maybe all I need is time but how long and patients?

     Just seems like endless amount of work these days. I’m always so occupied and have something to do. If it isn’t the finance paper due tomorrow, it’s the math H.W. that is due 2 days from today, which I don’t even know how to solve number 1. So many things are due before the vacation and tests are being distributed tomorrow. Ahhhhhhh…      

     Is winning that important to one? I personally think that winning is a great contribution to one’s emotion. Who doesn’t like a taste of victory? Sometimes winning isn’t that important; in matter of fact losing is essential too, facing the fact that you’ve lost in a game. Don’t you feeling sometimes life is just a game. There are times that you have won and times you have lost. It’s kind of funny to think of it, each one of us is like a character in a video game controlled by someone else. That’ll be cool.

     Game Over!!. Don’t you just hate that phrase? Putting all your effort into playing a game and suddenly, out of no where Game Over. Just start over. “Easy said than done” Starting over is so hard, out of scratch you have to build up your character again. Look on the bright side, your lost can be contributed to your next victory. Sometimes I care/worry/concern about winning so much but, I’ve forgot the true meaning of playing the game. Like is so competitive, everyone wants to known as a winner not a loser. For every winner there are plenty of losers. I don’t know what my point is but just think about it you’ll understand.

Good night!

     Is it possible to remain friends with your ex-girlfriend? This is an opinion question so it’s Okay if you disagree with me. This is how I see it; no, it isn’t possible. Especially if you’ve gone out for a long time and really understand each other. Sudden she calls out a break-up without giving you a good explanation. Days after that are harsh. You’ll constantly have memories and image of her. Daydreams and dreams are all about her. You’re already having so much difficulties and plus you have to deal with her. When you’re around her you’ll tend to get as close as you can but realizing that you’ve lost this bond, you have to stop yourself from being too friendly. That feeling is like wanting to wear that shirt that you really love but it doesn’t fit no more. Being around her is one of the hardest things I had to overcome. There isn’t anything to say to her anymore. I see her trying to get me talking to her but I just can’t. I have so much to say but I just don’t know how to put it. When I’m around her I feel the pain and love and when I’m not I feel it too. So neither way I still feel it. IT just hurt so much. So tired of convincing myself. So tired of every shit. So speechless. Maybe if we’re driven to our conversation I’ll remember those memories we shared. When I’m around her I don’t know what to do. Am I still a Boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? Friend? Stranger? Sometimes I want to hold her hand but I know she wouldn’t allow me to or just a hug. Hearing her laughter makes me want to cry. How can one have no emotion toward this break-up, it’s like she didn’t really care. My friends encourage me to accept the fact it’s over and just be friends. But do you know it’s this hard? Do you know how much it hurts? DO you know? I finally found a friend that really understands how I’m feeling. When I asked him this question he answered no and gave me all explanation that I was feeling. I felt so happy to know that there is such a person out there that felt the same way.

     Yesterday when I left my friend’s home he grabs a bag of something. I asked who it is for he answered his girlfriend’s name. I came to think why he could just say his girlfriend since I don’t really know his girlfriend’s name. I asked him what is it and he answered just 2 caps and a necklace. Why 2 caps? He answered that she wanted the red one but I thought that the blue one would look good on her. Why a “sweet guy” like him have to be treated like this. We called and called. She finally said it’s time. She told us to come over. So we walked there. I asked him is it for her birthday and he answered yes? When was it? He said last week. Why didn’t she take it last week? Because she kept on saying tomorrow, tomorrow he answered like she didn’t really care about her present from a special boyfriend. When we got up there he called her and asked her to come out and take it. I was amazed when he just threw it on the floor. I asked him aren’t you going to see her or give it to her in person? He answered it doesn’t matter. You spend so much time picking out the present, you can at least get a hug or a kiss or just a simple thank-you. He said he didn’t care. I wait for her to come out and I saw her for the first time. She was ok. Their relationship reminds me of ours, used to be ours but no anymore. I guess he was mad or me or something he just left me in the dark. I just wanted to tell him stop convincing yourself, If she loves you can feel is just don’t convince yourself like I do all the time. I soon found myself gradually walking into the streets ignoring traffic lights. I felt so sad. When I heard the Honk that when I really woke up from my daydream. A car honked at me when I was charging out to the streets during a green light. Nothing happen after that, I just walked home.

If you need me Buddy, I’m here

     Good morning! Today is my day to present my presentation. I’m very excited because I guess since I work so hard on it I would like to share it with others. Hmmm… my perspective it’s perfect, everything is so well done. This project inspired me a lot to work hard. I think if anyone would willing to put in the effort and try they can accomplish. I’ll tell you how it was when I come back.

     Another dream of her, I just can’t get her out of mind. Every since we’re apart I’ve been having dreams. What do they all mean? Is it just my desires? What ever it is its really painful. Everything just seems to remind me of her especially the Mtvs. L  I’m okay. Once again time for school. Wish me luck on my presentation.

     Hey, Good morning. I finally got back to my habit of waking up early. It’s kind of refreshing watching the sky so gloomy. When the sun rises it symbolizes a new start and beginning. What was done is done, it’s known as the past history. There’s no point of looking back all the time. Why put a depressed face on when you can give a smirk to others? As a friend who wants to see so friend so depressed? To overcome the problem, you have to face it and solve it before it gets worst.

     The bright sun is so beautiful and meaningful. The sun lights up everyone’s world from despair and darkness. Symbolizes a new day and with that new day I’ll try to bring happiness to my friends as much as I can. What does it means to be a friend? I haven’t ever sought the answer to this question until yesterday.  Being a friend would care, understand, and won’t hurt your emotions in any ways.  A friend will always be there got you through the sorrows and the contentment. “A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.” “A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.” “A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.” “One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement.” Can you still be friends with the person you love? No, the way you treat them is totally different. You’ll tend to do stuff that goes against your values but you think it’s worth it because you love him or her. Love is love, friends are friends. The feeling is totally different. Thinking about them all the time and wondering… if their thinking back at you. Risking it all just to make her laugh. Staying beseide her and comforting her when she's down. Trying to protect her. When you see them you’re heart pounds and convincing yourself not to be so close. The feeling is so harsh, suffering, painful, and anguish. Just want to escape from it all but doesn’t that makes me a loser?

     I’m to baffle to think. J (Forced) Yeah, it’s picture day today. What should I wear? Doesn’t matter. Just be yourself, isn’t that’s what life is all about? Being yourself?

     I’m just always depressed. Around her, I try my best to put on a smirk or two. Why I put on a smile when I’m sad? I just don’t want her to feel bad or feel like it’s her fault that I’m sad. When I’m alone, I can’t even mange to force a smile. I can’t help this emotion. If I could choose I would just delete all my memories I had with her; deleting isn’t so easy, it’s an important and essential part of my brain. Even deleting a file from the computer, it’ll ask you “are you sure you want to delete this file.” It’s so sad how everything I see, think, hear reminds me of her. Sitting there alone, hearing her laughter just makes me want to cry. There’s just so much I want to say and tell her but I guess I can’t. Sometimes I convince myself that she’s still thinking about me but now I’m sick and tired of it. It’s just so hard to be friends with someone you once loved. “You don’t really have to be with the person in order to be happy.” I find this quote to be so untrue. How can you be happy without the person you love being around you? I guess I’m not that type of guy huh?

     I feel like the girl in the Mtv, all gone when she opens her eyes. I know how she feels, happy one second, sad the next. Life is full of surprises; things can just happen the next second that can change your whole life around. For example Me! I was shocked when I heard the news from her e-mail.

     It’s so hard for me to be around her. I guess after today I’ll lose all contact with her. I’ll need to build myself up again. Just seems like I collapsed when I lost her. I don’t know how long it’ll take but in the meanwhile I won’t be seeing her. I hope she understands, unlike her I’m weak at these emotions.

     I'm afraid that our relationship can't be the same. I don't know if she really care but I do. I really missed those times we shared. So sweet but so bitter. See here I go again, it's just sad how you are writing about your emotions and a sad song just comes on.

     I wish she feels better after all these days’ she been sick.

I wish your Wish(es) may come true!! J

     Hey, I finally finished my story. Hope you liked it; I really put a lot of effort into it. Do you kind of have a feeling that you’re one of the characters in the story or you just have a 3^rd person perspective? The ending is one of the best because I’ve took it from a scene from a Mtv. Well I didn’t really bite off of them, I was looking for an unforgettable, sad ending and that Mtv gave me an idea. Oh wells, hope you benefited from or learned something from my story.

     This story is really created for Shu, I hope she liked it as well as I did. It’s really hard to put all you feelings in a diary form all the time so I created something new to attract my viewers. This story came out of my heart and feelings.

     Yesterday was one of my cherished memories. It was Shu’s Birthday Surprise, which I’ve planned over a month. I’ve tried to make it her best birthday ever, but I guessed failed. What caused my failure? I really don’t know, guessing just my emotions. Sometimes it’s really hard to act in front of her. My friend asked me a very good question “Are you going to present it to her as a Boyfriend? Ex? Friend?” This answer to this question I really don’t know. I’m always having mixed feelings. Sometimes I feel like hugging her or talking to her but I have to hold it in because I’ve lost that privilege. Well I’ll explain more next time.

     I was really excited when I woke up in the morning. I dressed up really fast and charged out the door. I called my friend and asked him to lead the way to the flower shop, which opens before 9. I felt so stupid when I was downstairs, I’ve forgot to bring my backpack. Ahhhh… I then had to run back up to get it. I once again charged down the stairs. Running at a tremendous speed, I almost can in to a car. I didn’t want my friend to wait for me since he was doing me a big favor already.

     When I got to the shop I begged for 12 roses but they didn’t sell a dozen. I then had to pay for HumHum (Can’t tell) roses. I’ve never seen flowers as beautiful as it. First mission of the surprise wasn’t so surprising. She somehow knew I was at that corner hiding. ???? Well, It just went on with another half a dozen flowers to represent her birthday, 12/6. LoL creative aren’t I?

     I waited anxiously till after school and her responses. I was kind of afraid that she wouldn’t go to the movies with me but I had a pretty good feeling she didn’t want to. After I brought her home I hasty went to Elizabeth Center to buy her another present that I’ve been searching for a while. I then went home to prepare for everything. (The Night Surprise)

     We then went to eat. At that dinner I didn’t felt so good but I still hung on. I felt a little sick but I didn’t want to disappoint her so I didn’t spoke much and also didn’t eat much. I’m sorry; if I’ve been a little happier it would have been a better birthday for her.

     After we’ve finish, it was kind of late so she suggested that we shouldn’t watch a movie this late. As much as I wanted to I answered Okay. While we were walking home she said me to carry her. Hehe. I still remember the last time she asked me to, mad heavy. It was about 3 months ago. Shu and her sister insisted that we should hangout together. At that same day she hanged me one of the many presents that I adore, a name chain with a symbol of her next to it. (The one on my cell phone) She was wearing high heels like yesterday. She asked me to carry her because she was unable to walk with those high heels. So I did. Her sister was shocked about my willingness. Yeah those were the times. I once again answered okay but she rejected her own offer so I stood quiet. I then brought her to a dark alley with no presents. She was scare and so was I. I’ve picked my favor spot for the Night Surprise. I told her to close her eye and she did. When she opened it, a hallowed glow was before her eyes. It was a candle that was decorated in a cup of jelly form. I asked her to make a wish then blow it out. Wow. I didn’t know she had so much to wish for. After she made her wish or wishes I told her to close her eyes once again. I put my arms around her and put on a necklace that I brought for her. I didn’t know did she like it because she’s that type that tells you its good when it’s bad. Well I could tell most of the times. I then sang happy birthday to her. OMG I’ve never thought I could sing right on the pitch. It was kind of late, I had to go home. I watched her while she walked up the stairs. I ran home as fast as I could. I felt kind of dizzy and ill. My stomach was killing me. When I got home I collapsed, I went straight to sleep but I couldn’t. I really wanted to tell my mom it hurts but i couldn’t. She’s going to yell at me with daggering words. I was in so much pain but I still mange to sent Shu the ending of my story.

     The next morning, Dan brought her flowers and a cassette. Dan didn’t even say a word to her. Before he left, Dan played his tape for Sue. “Sue, I’m sorry for breaking that promise I made last night. I really want to spend every last second with you but I can’t. To tell you the truth, this pass year I meet someone else. She really loves me and I really love her. I’m really sorry. Don’t wait or cry for me. Stay in there, you can overcome your fear. One day you’ll see again.” played the tape. Tears were like running water. Sniffing and sobbing. Dan standing by the door also felt daggers stabbing his heart watching Sue in that much pain. Every night Sue would tend to replay the tape, over and over again. “Dan I miss you” said Sue.

     Weeks had passed painfully. No matter how much she wanted to give up she didn’t. She wants to survive and hopefully see Dan with her own eyes again. Knock Knock “Can I come in?” asked the doctor. “Sue, we have good news. Doctor Smith is from Europe and he has confidence that he can open you vision again. Do you want to give it a try?” “Yes yes” she answer with excitement. She was so happy and excited from receiving her good news.

     At the day of the surgery, Sue really wanted Dan to be there by her side. “Sorry, you can’t bring that in the emergency room” demanded the nurse. “Ok” she quickly hid the necklace under her pillow. When she was in the emergency room she felt Dan’s present. She thought to herself “It’s just my imagination” When the surgery was done, she had a good night rest.

     When she woke up the next day she searches for her necklace. “Where is it? I put it here yesterday” said to herself. She then fell on the floor still searching. “Is this what you are looking for?” asked the nurse. She blindly grabbed the necklace with tenderness and answered “Yes, thanks a million.”

     The day had come, when it is time for Sue to unwrap her darkness. She opened her eyes slowly hoping that Dan will be the first person she sees. She winked at first then slowly opens her eyes again. She saw her father, mother, sisters but no Dan. She felt very depressed. Sue finally decided to search for him at his home. When she arrived at Dan’s apartment, she knocked and knocked. No answer. “They moved a couple of days ago” said a neighbor. She left with despair.

     Half a year had passed. Winter had become summer. Sue was getting tired of her search. One day after school she rushed to meet her friends at the beach. At day same day she remember it’s also Dan’s birthday. Sue and her friends were having a beach party and she was late. At the corner of the block she ran in to a man. “Sorry” she said. She bends over and helped him pick up his books. The man was really weird. He worn shades and all black from head to tails like he was hiding from someone. “It’s okay. I got it” he said. He then bends over with her picking up his books. His flat palms were taping everywhere like he was blind. He accidentally touched Sue face. It was weird how Sue didn’t reject his mistake. She just looked dully at him. “Sorry” he apologized. He then walked slowly with his blind stick. “Danny” she screamed.

     Yes, it was the only thing Dan could do to bring back Sue’s vision. This sacrifice was reasonable to Dan. Dan didn’t leave Sue all along. He kept far away from her, watching her every moves. Dan didn’t know was he doing the right thing. He felt that watching her like this was the hardest thing ever. His love for her told him what he was doing was right and it's worth it.

 

 

What was once reality, now are dreams.

Once I can touch and feel; now I can only visualize.

Once I was in love, now I’m just puzzled.

What was once happiness, now are just memories.

Those fantasies seem so real but it’s just my imagination.

Wake up! It’s just a nightmare.  

     Dan waited anxiously on the uncomfortable, hospital chair. His eyes can hardly mange to open. There’s just too much on Dan’s mind to so to sleep. Right when Dan was about to fall asleep, he heard a voice. “Excuse me, Are you related to the patient?” asked the doctor “Yes, I am” responded Dan without thinking. “I’ve bad news. I’m afraid that her eyes can never see again” announced the doctor. Dan was just too stunned to even react. Dan reached in his pocket and remembers that he didn’t give Sue her present yet. With a fake smirk he enters the room and sits beside her, holding her hand. “I’ll always stay beside you” Dan said. Dan’s tears were like running water, dripping on Sue’s face. Dan then wiped her face tenderly and gave her a kiss. Dan placed her gift beside her and left.

     “What is there to do? What is there I can do?” he begged the doctor. “Only if someone is willing to sacrifice their vision to save hers” he answered. There was a long paused. Dan gradually walked home, kicking rocks and screaming “Why.”  That night he can’t sleep, thinking about Sue’s reaction when she finds out she lost her vision.

     Dan visited her the next day. When Dan entered, there was no sound at all. He some how figured that she had found out. “Sue Sue” he called. No answer. When Dan got closer he heard she sniffing. “What’s wrong Honey?” he asked. No answer. Dan sat beside her and asked her to turn over. Sue pushed him away. “Sue, I know how you feel. I once was in your situation. It feels like the world had ended and so did your future. No! Be strong and believe in yourself.” Sue then turned over and gave Dan a hug. “Stay here with me. Don’t go. Don’t leave Me.” sobbing over Dan’s shoulder “Don’t worry, Dan Dan is going to stay beside throughout the night” he answered. “Let me put that on for you” taking the gift from Sue’s hand. Dan puts on the platinum necklace on her neck. “Happy Birthday” Dan said with a smile.

      Dan spend 1 year of time to heal his lost leg. Dan lived a harsh life without his legs. He can’t do anything without someone handing a hand for him. It was hard for him to reach for up places. He would hate himself to be in such a position. As days passes a miracle happen. One day, Dan left his box of obsession near the stove. He saw that the boiling water was going to spill on his box; he hasty got up from his bed and tries to get his wheelchair. Unluckily the wheelchair was too far to be reached by a crippled guy. There were minutes till the boiled water was going to spill on the box. With 1 thing in his mind he got up on his paralyzed legs and ran to the stove and snatched the box way from the water. He then opened the box and saw that the tender tissue was still in good condition. At surprise he stared at his leg. He was happy and excited that he can once walk again.

     That night after knowing his long lost love had once appeared in her life, she can’t sleep. She thought about his expression when he sees her. He’s going to be very happy and surprised. “How should I approach him” she asked herself. She also thought about her friend Liana. She then became scare and afraid. Liana might hate me for stealing her admired friend. She didn’t want to give up this chance to be with him and she also didn’t want to lose a friend. “Oh if Liana can understand” she said to herself.

     The next morning Sue gradually walked to school, dazing off. She wasn’t looking at traffic while crossing the streets. Boooop… Booop… The driver honked but she was in LaLa land thinking about Dan. By the time she woke up from her fantasy she was too frighten to move. She suddenly felt a yank on the arms. She looked back and saw Dan. From far away, they seemed to be in a dancing position. When Dan realized that it was Sue that he was carrying on his arms, he let go and Sue fell on her ass. Dan didn’t know what to say or do; he was so confused that he ran away.

      Sue never saw Dan ever since. Sue felt a day without Dan was hard to past. Days and night seemed to be longer than usual. She stared at the scarf that she made for him but never got the change to see him wear it. Sue wants Dan to feel warm with her tender scarf. The scarf was like new condition because she never wore it; she just takes it out at times and daydreams about it.

     A day before Sue’s birthday, Sue received an e-mail from Dan.

“Sue the same place”

She was shocked that Dan actually sent her an e-mail but also disappointed on the amount of words he used on this e-mail. “Wow, Yes… Yeah…” she shouted. That night Sue had a pleasant dream about Dan, They were together, hugging each other in the deep, burrowed snow. They were covered with snow but they hadn’t complained of being cold because they got each other.

     The next day she woke up extra early like last year, Sue left home as soon as possible. When she got there, there was no one at sight. She waited and waited. Through the fog she saw a figure that looked like Dan. Without thinking she charged out to the streets screaming “Dan” Boom she was then laying on the streets. She was in so much pain that she can’t move. She ignored her pain and continuing starring at the fog, hoping that she was right. As Dan walked through the fog Sue fainted. As soon as Dan saw that Sue was lying on the floor he rushed toward her and holds her head up. “Sue, mo sai ah.” cried Dan “All hoy lay ah” hugging her. He took out his phone and saw that there was no battery. “Damn, poke guy ah” he cursed. Dan then carries her with his arms. He dashed through the traffic hoping someone would drive them to the hospital. “No. No time” said one. Dan didn’t want to waste no more time, he decided to carry her on his arms to the hospital himself. Sue suddenly woke up for a split second and saw it had already begun to snow. She felt delighted that Dan was still by her side. When Dan arrived at the hospital he hasty demanded a doctor for Sue. Dan finally claimed down when the doctor took Sue away on a wheelchair.

     As time went on Sue had met new people (If you know what I mean) but their relationship didn’t last. She still has feelings for Dan, the guy that she’ll always love, forever. Every night before sleeping Sue would have sweet dreams about Dan. Waking up with despair, she cries about her desired dream. “Oh Dan, where can you be? I missed you so much. I love you. I hope you feel the same way about me.” convincing herself.

     A year has passed. Sue was very excited for her first day of college. When she arrived she was confused which building did she belong to. She then entered the school of technology. At a glimpse she saw an image. “That back! Look so familiar” she said to herself. “Dan” she cried. “Is that you?” She ran toward him but he was just too far away to catch up. She wasn’t sure was that really him but her instinct tells her that’s him. She was late for her first day of education class. The whole class session she didn’t pay any attention to the instructor. She just kept on thinking of Dan. Her friend Liana woke her up from her deep trance. “Hey sun ah, Jo make yeah ah” asked Liana. She replied “Mo yeah ah” After school she rushed to the building of technology and wait there, hoping bump into Dan. After 2 devastating hours no luck, not even a shadow pass by. Standing there all alone she thought back to the times they shared.

     When Sue went home, she received a phone call. She jumped over her soda and grabs the phone hoping its Dan. “Hello” in a sweet tone of voice. “Wo how ah” Liana said. “Yo, there’s this guy that I met, he’s so nice. I asked him out for a drink tomorrow afternoon, wanna come?” asked Liana. “Nah” she replied. “Okay, nothing then Bye” said Liana. “Bye Bye” said Sue.

     The next morning, Sue woke up early in the morning hoping to bump into Dan. She got there 1 hr before school had start and she stood there holding the note that Dan had wrote to her a year ago. After 1 ½ hr of waiting she went to school. She felt she would never see Dan again. Liana begged her to come and join them but Sue begged her back to leave her alone. As soon as the session was over she ran over to the building of technology and she stood there. “No luck” she thought to herself. She then went over to meet up with Liana because she forgot her key to her dormitory. When she got there she saw that back again but once again it was too far to reach him. Liana was just sitting there by herself. Sue walked over and asked “Where that guy?” “Oh he left. You still could see him. Over there” said Liana pointing at the back that she once knew. “What’s his name” Sue demanded. “Danny. He’s the nicest guy I’ve every met. I wish I was his girlfriend” answered Liana Sue was stunned. She was delighted to know that her instinct was right. It was Dan all along. Sue then felt jealous because knowing that her roommate/friend is also in love with him. She was afraid that if she told her that Dan was her long, lost, love

they might lose their friendship.

 

     Everything seems to be back to normal. Everyone was acting like themselves, especially Sue. Even though Sue didn’t think of Dan anymore, she still loves him a lot. She wouldn’t forget the day he left her all alone in the winter cold. She swears to herself that she’ll get an answer from him no matter what.

     “Hey, bro” said Dan’s sister “You want to call her?” she asked. “No….. No….” Dan said angrily. “Can I make a phone call” he asked her. She hands him her cell and called Prio “Hey, it’s Dan” he asserts. “Hey, Danny boy. Wassup?” he asked, “Prio, can you come to the following address. I got something to tell you” Dan begged. “Ok, no problem” answered Prio.

     The next morning, Prio walked to the address that was given to him. When he arrived he looked shocked and surprised. “What, Downtown Hospital?” he said in a puzzled way. “Rom 120, Room 124, 125, Oh here it is room 126” he said to himself. When he opens the door, he saw Dan lying on his bed like he was disabled. “Is that you, Dan?” asked Prio. Holding his tears Dan answered “Yes” “What happened?” asked Prio. Dan didn’t answer for a long time. He then gathered up all hid courage and said “Sit down, it’s a long story” Dan talked for a long time and explained everything that happened to him.

      “Christmas! Christmas!” shouted Sue with excitement. As Prio approaches Sue with a present, Sue turned around and saw that Prio brought her a present and was very happy. She snatched it from him and said “Thanks a lot” When she opened the letter she saw it was a present from Dan, not Prio.

     Dear Sue,

 

I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. I’m sorry I didn’t show up that day, which meant a lot to you. I…. I’m moving away. If you’re waiting for me, don’t. I’m going to move very far. I’ve forgotten about you and so should you. What have happen had happened. We have no future together. Bye bye.

     When Sue finished reading this unforgiving letter, she shed tears. She really wants to see him and talk to him. He begged Prio to tell her where is Dan but no matter how hard Sue tried Prio didn’t tell her anything.” Prio, if you’re a friend of Dan then tell me where he is” said Sue. Prio promised Dan not to tell her anything no matter what. Prio had begun to weaken. He told Sue that there is this guy who knows where he is. “Who who” she demanded. “Just go here” writing her Dan’s location on a piece of paper and handing it to Sue.

     After school Sue went alone. She didn’t walk, she ran as fast as she could. When she got there she rushed to room 126 and knocked “May I come in” Dan recognized her voice and said in a deep voice “No” Sue ignored him and charged in. “Where can I find Dan?” she asked. Dan answered “He left this morning” Sue’s heart shattered into pieces. She decided to leave but she felt dizzy so she lies down next to Dan. Dan was really afraid that she would find out that he was the guy she’s been searching for. “So are you leaving?” he asked. She answered “Yes” as she got up from his bed she saw a name. That name looked so familiar. “Dan!, is this guy really him? If not then why his name tag is is the bed?” she thought to herself. “Danny, what happen to you?” she asked Dan was too afraid to answer that question. As she pulled Dan’s blanket Sue saw it was really him. Dan was still trying to hide his face. “What happened Dan? Tell me!” she ordered. “I was hit by a car. I cant move my legs no more.”  answered Dan. There was a long pause. “Now you know why I didn’t show up that day. You can leave now. Leave!! Leave me alone. Get out” he said with rage. Sue was just stunned. She didn’t know what to say or do. She left the room and the hospital.

     Sue went home having one question in mind, do I still love him. There was two inner voice in her, one saying that yes I love him, another told her to wake up he’s cripple he’s disable; you might have to take care of him for the rest of your life. She was so confused that she had a headache. She didn’t want to think no more, so she went to sleep.

     The next morning, Sue rushed to the hospital early in the morning hoping to tell Dan that she’ll stay with him no matter what. When she pushes open the door it was empty. Dan had moved out last night. She felt very sad and didn’t know what to do now. She really wants to be with Dan and that was the reason why Dan moved out. He didn’t want Sue to waste her time on him. Dan had moved far away like he wrote on the letter. Where? I don’t know neither he wouldn’t tell me. All I know is that he moved to a place that no one can find him.

    

     Sue had just finished her knitting. She was very happy and proud of her work. She can’t wait till she hands it to Dan and see his expression as he receives it. “Hmm….” She said silently. “Missing something but what” she asked herself. “Yes” she shouted, walking over to herbed. She picked up a bottle of her best perfume and sprayed it on the scarf. “That’ll be enchanting” she said.

     The day had come; Sue woke up early around 6 a.m. and dressed up as fast and beautiful as she can. She then open her computer and clicked on her favor song, “Love you more this minute” by Yung Joey. She closed her eyes while listening to the music. She felt she was the happiest girl in the whole wide world. She sat there for over 1 hour. She looked at the clock and said “Omg” I’m late. She charged out the door quickly that she forgot to bring her cell phone.

     She waited eagerly and patiently. She starred at her little watch every 5 minutes. Time passed by so slowly for Sue. The more she thought of Dan the more she wanted to see him. She now was starring at the wide foggy road, hoping that Dan would appear from the fog and give her a hug. She stood there for a long time but he never appeared.

     Sue felt something landed on her head. She looked up and saw that it was snowing. She felt very happy, snowing on her birthday and spending this important day with someone she loves. She looked at the snow falling on the sky as a whole hour passed. She looked at her watch and realizes that he’s late. She searched for her phone but no chance of finding it. She ran to a locate phone booth and called Dan’s cell but no answer. “Leave your message after the beep” She got really angry. She thought back to her nightmare. “Is it true, I’m spending this birthday alone like I dreamt?” She then left and went to school. She decided not to waste her time on this guy. Something made her think that this was all a joke, that she got played. That day felt so cold, lonely, sad, and disappointed.

      What really happen to Dan? Did Dan really prank Sue and played with her feelings? No No No Not if I know Dan. He’s a sweet guy he would never do a thing like that. This is really going to be emotional, if you can’t handle it, I advice you not to continue reading but you can’t resist not continuing.

     At the same day, Dan rushed to the flower shop to buy 12 roses for Sue. “Sorry, sold out” said the owner. He then rushed to another shop hoping that there would be flowers there. No luck. Despair. Then he looked up. There were exactly 12 roses in his face. He saw that this stranger was holding the flowers that he wanted. She then begged the stranger to sell him the flower. It took over 15 for the stranger to decide to sell it to him. (At a high price too) Dan rushed to school at a tremendous speed. He can feel that Sue was waiting eagerly.

     He charged out to the streets. He saw that he dropped a red, knitted heart that was giving to him by someone special, on the middle of the road. He charged back out to the road to pick it up. “Boooooop Boooooooooop…. GET OUT THE WAY” the driver yelled. It was too late for the driver to hit the breaks. A split second before was it he picked up the heart and held it tight. With the last thought, he thought about Sue wiping his face with that tender tissue. The momentum of the car was so strong that Dan flew 5 feet back. His cell also flew with him. He then was lying on the floor. Then driver continued driving as like nothing had happen.

     I don’t think the sky was crying for Dan but after lying there, the sky began to shed with snow. The snow fallen for the sky wasn’t cold at all. Dan lied there for more than an hour before someone was kind enough to call the ambulance. When the ambulance came they rushed Dan on to the car and driven him away.

     The next day, Sue went to school and did the normal stuff. She also wondered where Dan was and was kind of worried. She really wants to see Dan, to ask him where he went that day. Dan was no where I sight throughout a whole week. She decided that he’s not worth the wait, “Haven’t I waited long enough” she said to herself. At the same time Dan was lying on the uncomfortable bed. He really wants to get up and explain to Sue why he didn’t arrive but he was in so much pain. He decided to get up to go to the bathroom. As hard as he tried he can’t move his legs. He tried with all his might, he try turning his body to force it to move but it didn’t. He ended up on the floor from a great fall. Droplets of tears slipped down his face, drop by drop. Dan’s mom, dad, sister, and brother rushed in the room and helped Dan up. “What happen to me” he screamed. “You’re crippled” said the doctor. “What?” asked Dan “Will I have a chance to recover?” The doctor said “No, unless it’s a miracle” Dan felt it was the end of the world, end of his future. He really wants to call Sue and tell her what he had suffered and happen but it’ll just make her sadder and worry. “She wont love a crippled guy like me” he thought to himself

     The more Sue thought, the more she like him. Sue also wondered why she didn’t accept him at first. To Sue, Dan was a funny, sometimes stupid, athletic, smart, caring, helpful, and sweet guy. Dan treating Sue these couple of days mad her sad. She really got a lot to tell Dan but she’s afraid.

     “Hey sun la” said Sue’s sister. “Mo cow all la, bay all fun door jun la” (Don’t bother me, let me sleep for a little more) “Danny Jai call lay ah” Sue’s sister said softly. “Hai mah, bay all” (yes, give me) Sue’s sister handed Sue the phone. “Where you going Friday?” asked Dan. “No where” answered Sue. “Want to go to the movies on Friday?” asked Dan with a low tone of voice. “Yes” answered Sue giggling and laughing. “So it’s a date right?” “Yes yes” answered Dan hasty. Sue dressed up quickly and walked to school.

     That afternoon, Sue was planning what to for Dan since it’s her first date. A game? No! A tie? No, he doesn’t wear ties. Oh yes a scarf. Since its winter he sure needs a scarf to keep him warm. I’ll go buy it tomorrow. No! In matter a fact I’ll make one for him. That night after buying yarn from the 25 cent store she started her knitting. After completing ¼ of the scarf she found a mistake earlier in her knitting and unknotted the whole thing. She felt tired but thinking of Dan kept her away. She asked herself is it worth the trouble? Yes she answered. I’ll do anything for him. She continued her knitting all night.

     The next morning, Sue woke up to go to the bathroom and saw her sister exiting the bathroom. “Hong maw on ah” (Panda’s eyes) Sue’s sister screamed. “Yo make yeah ah” asked Sue walking in the bathroom looking in the mirror. “ahhhhhhhhhh” she screamed. “My cute little face” she said rubbing her eyes.

     As the day of their date had become closer and closer she felt more excited. “Ahhhhh…. Should I kiss him on the first date?” She asked herself. What should I wear? “Ohhh” she screamed. “Friday, my... my birthday. I totally forgot about it” She became more excited and happy. “I love you” she whispered. That night she had a nightmare. “Ahhhhhh” she screamed jumping up from her bed. She looked at the time and got on her slippers to get a drink. She thought back to the nightmare and started to burst in tears. She continued sitting on the soda throughout the whole morning thinking of the terrifying nightmare.

     Wow! That action of Sue was natural. After, Dan felt like crying but he didn’t. Sue recovered from her rage after school. Sue felt she had gone too far, by slapping him. When Sue saw Dan across the street walking by himself, she ran over trying to apologize. As soon as Dan saw Sue, Dan ran as fast as he can as if Sue was about to slap him again. Sue felt terrified throughout the whole night thinking about what she had done.

            At the same time, Dan was wiping his face with cold water hoping the red stain would fade out by tomorrow. Dan felt terrified as well from doing his insane action earlier that morning. Dan had nothing in mind but to give up on his attempt. He kept on saying to himself, she isn’t worth the time. That night, Dan didn’t even do his homework due to his emptiness. All he did that night was thinking about his angel Sue.

            Once again he dreamt about Sue. This time was different, he actually remember it clearly. There was Sue and me up on my roof. She lied on my arms and my head lied on hers. We talked to each other throughout the whole night.  “Tai ah” I screamed. “Make yeah ah. (What) Ahhh…. lau sing ah!” (Meteor shower!) They hold each other so close that you could only see one shadow. “Sue, make a wish before it’s too late” said Dan excitedly. They both made their wishes and soon the dream was over. “Sai jai hey sun ah” (Wake up) said Dan’s mom “lau gum door how soy” (why are you drooling) Dan woke up and saw that his pillow was all wet. All he did was laugh. “Yes, its Friday” he said while taking a shower.

            When approaching his school, he saw 3 guys surrounding Sue. Dan felt that it isn’t his business to interfere but they were kind of harassing Sue.  They were pushing her and verbally harassing her. Dan thought about what she did to him yesterday and decided to walk away but at the same time he thought about his dream, together on the roof; he rushed toward those fiends and demanded that they would stop. He didn’t even know what he was doing but his heart thought him that he was doing the right thing. In less than a second, he realized that he was about to fight. Dan lifted his fist and gave one of them a vast punch. There was just too much for Dan to handle. They gang up on Dan and got him on the floor. They each gave Dan a couple of punches. One even punched Dan on his face. They soon left the brutal scene. Dan got up slowly and also felt the scene. Sue felt like he own him a lot. She wanted to tell his that she’s sorry and also thanks him but she didn’t. Sue’s impression of Dan had change significantly.

            That night Sue kept on thinking about Dan. She wanted to call him but she was afraid and shy. She kept on telling herself that she’ll thanks Dan tomorrow but every time Sue is near Dan she tends to turn all red and turn away. Sue also felt sad because Dan no longer talked to her. She really wants him to talk to her, joke to her, play with her. Sue for the first time had a dream. She dreamt of her and Dan holding hands, walking on the shore of the beach as sunrise just began. When they got tired, they lied on the sand joking and laughing. That dream felt so real to Sue but she knows that there is no way that dream would come true. She started asking herself the weirdest question, am I in love with Dan. She was afraid that it was true but she kept on denying it.

     The next morning, Dan brought a gorgeous rose as a symbol of his love, on his way to school.  Whiling walking to school he thought about Sue’s expression when she receives the rose that he picked out for her. He was very happy and excited. The happier he got the faster he walked, the faster he walked he faster he ran. “I’m coming Sue” he shouted.

     When Dan reached his destination, Dan saw that Sue was standing there. “Is that Sue?” he said to himself. “Wow, so beautiful.” Sue was dressed so marvelously beautiful that she caught eyes of many, especially Dan. She wore a white collar shirt following a nice, long, blue skirt which gave Dan more courage to propose. “For you” Dan said handing her the rose. “For what?” she replied rejecting his offer. “For my love” Dan answered looking confused. “I don’t want your love” she said loudly. “I never liked you. Yeah, you crack me up sometimes but that doesn’t mean anything. Just a SorLo. Beside I like someone else, didn’t I tell you I don’t like you.” Dan felt exactly like the rose, half dead. His heart shattered to pieces. Dan’s head didn’t look up for the rest of the day; he just kept on looking at the rose. He kept on asking himself the same questions. Who does she like? Why do I feel like it’s the end of the world? Why does it have to happen to me? Have I over thought that whole incident?

     Every time Dan though back to those time, Sue wiping his face, he would burst in tear. That night, he kept on thinking about her which kept him up all night. Finally he felt asleep with the last though of Sue. As soon as he had fallen asleep, he had a dream of Sue hugging him. When he woke up that morning, he got dressed up hasty. “Say jai” his mom yelled furiously. Dan ignored his mom and charged out the door when he was ready. Without looking, he charged out to the streets, dodged cars like he doesn’t care about his life anymore.

     When Dan entered, he heard Sue’s friend gossiping about this rejection yesterday. “SorLo lay ga” said Kel in an amusing way. They all were laughing at him. Dan felt like tearing but he didn’t. He didn’t want to show his weakness to some insensitive people.

     When Sue arrived, Dan pulled her out. “Jo make yeah ah” she yelled intensely. Dan said “All hoy lay ah” pulling her over and hugging her. As hard as Sue tried, Sue was unable to push him away. Dan realizes that she was resisting him, he simply let go it bit. As soon as Sue was free, Sue lifted her raging hands up and slaps Dan on his face. Sue’s love toward Dan was all written over his face. What Dan did, is it acceptable?  

     From that day on, Dan would arrive to school earlier than usually. His eagerness to see Sue became stronger and stronger. When she arrived, Dan would run up to her and end up speechless. There are a lot of things Dan want to say to Sue but it just won’t come out. His love for her is so strong, every time Dan has time he tends to think about that moment when Sue wiped his face with the tender tissue. Every night before sleeping he thinks, he just can’t stop thinking about her. Is one crazy guy or is it the power of love?

     For a week straight, Dan had dreamt about Sue and was late for school. Who can actually wake up in a sweet dream? Dan really wants to express his feelings to her but he’s afraid that he would get rejected. As his love grows for her, his confidence had also grown. Dan really wants her to feel that same way about him, like he does to her.

     One day, Dan can’t handle the soreness and planned to propose to her. He rehearsed and practiced, how he would propose in a way that is comfortable to them both. “Wo Ai Ni Ah” (I love you in Mandarin) he thought to himself. “No no no no” too narrow. “I’ll make an appointment with her in the back staircase and propose there. First, I’ll say I love you. Then, I’ll hug her tight. If she lets go, I know what to do. If not, I’ll give her a kiss.” Dan said to himself. Every night he would think about his proposal and fix it a bit or add to it.

     The day had come; it was time to do it. He went up to her and asked her to come out. “cher lay ah” (come out) “yoew yeah tong lay kong ah.” (I got something to tell you) The person who you like, is it me? Dan asked in a chitchat way. Sue’s face turned red as a tomato. There was a 30 second delay before she answered. “No” she said. Dan didn’t want to continue because he knows the answer. Dan thought that she likes him. With that assumption, he walked away with a smirk on his face.         

     I'll use today's time to tell you guys a story. A story that is so touching. Repsonse, if you have anything questions or comments.

     The first snow flake had just fallen on the floor of New York. The sky was no longer sky blue, it was now dark gray. It's December 21, the first day of winter. The temperature had just drop to -7 degrees below zero. Everyone on the street wore heavy jackets with layers of clothes under. From birds eye view, umbrellas were all you can it. Everyone was charging through the heavy snow storm. 

      Dan, a student, had just arrived in school all wet. Dan quickly wiped his face with his jacket sleeves, which made his face even wetter. Sue just arriving handed Dan a soft, tender tissue. She saw that Dan was unable to hold the tissue with his wet hands; Sue decided to wipe his face for him. Dan was stunned. His eyes were wide open, staring with affection like he was under a love spell. His heart was pounding faster and faster. Doooo..... Doooo......The bell had just ringed which woke him up from his fantasy. From then on, Dan realized he fell in love with Sue.

After school, he hasty ran home and opens his box. That box wasn’t any ordinary box; it was full of garbage from girls who he had fallen in love with. He added the tissue to his pile of obsession. That night, before he went to sleep he was thinking about how to propose his love toward her. Soon Dan fell asleep.

"Hey Sun La" (wake up in Cantonese) yelled his mom. "Fun make yeah ah" (why are you still sleeping) yelled his mom again. Dan was having problems waking up due to his sweet dream. Dan’s mom fixed the alarm clock so it would ring in 1 minute and placed it right next to his ears. Ring….. Ring…… Ahhhhhh!! "I’m late he yelled" He quickly dressed up and charged out the door. He thought about that what he dreamt last night. He tried as hard as he could but he couldn't remember. The only thing he remembered was Sue touching his face. With that memory he walked to school merrily.

I'll try everyday to add some on to this story.

     Jealousy! What does it really mean? Doesnt really know but I feel that way all the time. that feeling is so hard to take. Have you ever felt that way before? I know I had, many times too. Jealousy can realy test out how much you love him/her. Even a simple touch on the hand can get you so mad and jealous. I dont know am I crazy. It's just a simple touch on the hand but I dont know why I am feeling so mad. It this feeling natural or am I just making a big fuss out of it?

     When I see them together I get so jealous. I just want to run away from it all. Why in front of me? Even though its just its not done purposely I'm still jealous. Maybe I love her to much. Is there a way to let her know? I dont want to throw myself at her. It feels like that at times, how I offer my assistance and then end up rejected. I wonder does she feel that same way I do..........

     Today, my friend ask me a question that really got me to think. "I dont need you but I want you" Do you know what it means? I know precisely what it means because I asked her this question before. It means you dont need them (survive without them) but you want them. (want their love) I dont know am I explaining it correctly. Correct me if i'm wrong.

     Today I also got back my report card. Overall I was really satify. It pass everything with 80 and above but there was a class that I got 75 in. Its gym so it doesnt matter. Usually when I get a 75 I feel proud but now I dont feel that way. Has my expectation change? I guess it did. I started to do all my homework and study for exams. I dont want to waste my time doing stuff that hads no future. I'm going to move on and think about my future instead of lying on my bed thinking about the past.

     Oh hey wassup? The wait for her birthdays seems so long. I wish it was just tomrrow so I can give her; her surprise. Dont know what is her expression when she recieve her presents. Hopefully she likes it. I put a lot of afford into wraping everything. So stress out. Too much work. So much to do so little time. I'll try to manage my time better. Dont worry i'll wont uncheck you guys out of my to do list. I'll keep on writing everyday. 

     Hey. i'll talk to you tomorrow. Hopefully i'll have more time to write more.

     Is life worth living for if you have to go through so much? Everything could change within a second. You can be so happy really really happy then sad the next really really sad. I guess life is like that everyone has to suffer. All is left is memories stupid memories that are redundant. Should just move on with life and never look back. Everything looking back is only going to make you cry.

     I dont know right now. I'm having mix feeling and so confused. I dont know whatshe wants. I cant do nothing but wait. I think I know what went wrong but i'm not sure. Has she been having this feeling or it just start? I wish I could find out. Having a 6th would be good. Opening her heart so I could see whats inside and hows shes feeling.

     Am I a good boyfriend? This question I couldnt even answer. I know I could answer that question with so much confidence when we just started but right now I dont know. Maybe I stop being so nice to her. Everything has it reasons. Didnt want to be so nice to her cause of this. When something happen or something went wrong I wont be so sad. loosing up your relationship but I guess this created untrust? Maybe shes having difficult adopting to this change.

     I really want her to give me a clear answer. I guess her feeling is temporary. I guess time will change her feeling. In the meanwhile I have to fix myself it and give her back the feeling. Dont know how i'm going to do it but I will because I love her a lot.

     I wish this doesnt have to end so fast. I want to give her her surprise. That big surprise i've been preparing. Dont know will she like it as much now. I dont want to throw the presents away not this bond has been weaken. All those time buying presents, wrapping it, decorating it, and thinking about it is not going to be appreciated.

     Oh I guess this is probably the best entry so far. I like this entry too it really explain myself. I'll try to write more similar entries like this one. Now comes the time to go to school. Bye all I'll miss you

     After the trip to New Paltz I feel mad tired. Even though that trtip was really boring I actually didnt feel bored at all. Maybe its cause of her. When shes with me I never feel bored. I could even look at her all day without saying a word. Just feel different when shes with me.

     I have to say the best part of the trip was the food. The food was good. It was like in a buffet form. A whole lot of variety of food to choose from and if you cant find just throw it away. Hahaha kind of a waste but oh well.

     Really tired so I'll talk to you tomorrow. And sorry about yesterday I didnt have to time to do an entry.

     Wassup? today I didnt do much. Stayed home and paly games that was all untill my friend called me out to play handball. I'm that type that cant reject so I went out with him. After a few games i'm out and went to EC to see what I can get for my girl. I brought 2 things yesterday which is nice and cheap.  You know chinatown thats what its all about. I brought a card that is musical and it only cost $1.50 so happy!  After that WE hung out untill 6. I want to buy a CD well Mtv on our favorite singer hmmm maybe song. Its call "love you more this minute" by Joey Yung. Its mad good .........we thats atleast what I think.

     Ahhhhhhhh spending time apart from her is so hard. I wish we can be together forever but I know that cant be true. I tend to constantly think of her every second we're apart and also wondering is she thinking of me too? If yes, then why no phone call? It seems like it's always me calling. Maybe thats the guys duty? Oh well whatever.

     Man I got school today. Woke up at 7 a.m. dress up wrote another poem. This one is better than the previous one. Then went I arrive it was mad boring. Me and my friend left when we had that 5 minute break. Soon i'm alone again. She said she doesnt want to come out so I left her alone. I had nothing to do so I went to buy The SIMS (A Computer Game) at J&R. Damn man cost $32 but its worth that smile on her face.  Mad tired!! Thinking about her keeps me awake. Here enjoy my poem.

     Poem number 2

The clock is ticking,

 Running out of time,

Stay beside me,

Hold me,

Love me,

Before time runs out.

     So worry after trying to call her for the 6th time. No answer. I became more anxious and more worried. I think the unbalance of our love for one another is creating these problems. Dont very girl wants a boyfriend that really cares about them and love them? I could even say dont everyone wants that. Well i dont know about her but I sure want some of that which I rare get. After I finally got through I had this short conversation with her my phone ended our conversation. Hoping she would call be back i quitely sat there. No answer...... Hate myself for caring so much. Hate myself for loving so much. This barrier is creating so much problems. Why does it always have to be me? Why dont she call be back after she sees that 6 missed calls? Why do I have to make the move. Its like without her I cant survive. So hard to take.

     So dumb. I'm so stupid convincing myself with the message she sented me. All those memories is what I have of her. When she makes me sad I just think back to the times we shared happily but I cant really find much instead I find more moments that I'm cold and sad. Why do i have to be in love? Why does she care about me? I gave her that 6 calls for nothing? Doesnt it means anything to her? I really want her to answer these questions but i'm really afriad to ask. I just keep on telling myself that that i'm not going to do it but i tend to do it anyways. Its the feeling of love that is making me do this. why cant she appreciate it and treat me the same way? Why do we have this barrier? No more No more .................... Feeling so empty once again. So cold!!! Why am I treating her so nice? Shes going to response by I didnt ask you to do it you. So cold!!! Its like i'm repeating myself. Thats because thats the only thing that is going through my mind right now and I cant stop thinking this mistreatment and this barrier. She states that she doesnt know how to love but thats an excuse not to love. Everyone knows how to love. Just say what you feel. Do what you feel. Its just that easy. She doesnt gives me a feeling that everything I do for her is worth it instead she gives me a feeling that all i'm doing is garbage and worthless. Ahhhhhhhhhh the more I tihnk the bigger the problem is. Help Help Help bye bye bye Talk to you guys tomorrow. Good night...............

     Its hard to keep up everyday but i'll try. I was tricked this afternoon.  She founded out my surprise. Well that surprise was to throw her off and she felt for it. She tricked me to tell her. She claims that she knows whats the surprise. I didnt believe her at first untill she said you did it last year. That blew it cause I did. After I said how you know I was about to call? She instantly figured out that I was going to call up to the AM 1480 radio station and announce that its her birthday and ask them to broadcast a song for her. Ahhhhhhh I was so mad at first but then I realize that she actually learned this trick from me. That how i trick her all the time. Oh then after being mad I was actually proud. After that there were a lot of kissing and hugging involved. Now I have to rate my page PG-13 Strongly adviced for children over 13 to view.  

     Today I got nothing to do so I started to write. What else is there to write beside poetry. Want to hear one? Ofcourse you do. It all comes out of my heart and its for you know who. Please dont copy and claim its yours ok  Or i'll be really mad!!  Here it goes...

     Poem number 1

Here in my heat you lie,

Full of warmth.

Thinking about the past

makes me want to hold you tight.

Dont go Dont go

You'll break my heart.

     Using my site to paste this poem for my friend's Tina

In the meanwhile,

I'll pretend you're here,

That we are together.

Laughing and loving....

One day, soon we will be together.

Untill then I'll see you in my dreams.

     OMG i twisted my ankle. Hurts like hell!! Someone call the doctor! Oh man if this pain keeps up I dont think i'll be able to go iceskating on Sunday. Hmmmm any advice? So bad luck today but its not total bad that I twisted my ankle. After that incident happen she really care a lot and was willing to bring me home. What a sacrifice! But its worth it to me.  So hows your day? Ahhh no time for that.  Just playing  

     Today I got my plan all ready. Want to hear it? Ofcourse you do. This is how it goes. Morning of the birthday i'll wake up early and go buy a dozen flowers for my girl then i'll hind it in Ms. Nikkilos' room and ask her to give it to her at the end of the period. SURPRISE!!  Then period two I go up to Ms. McCarty and ask her to give her another stack of flower which is only half a dozen (these flowers arent real) SURPRISE!!  Third period i'll buy her a present. Undecided at this point but i'll let you know if I thought of it. The period four i'll give her a card written in chinese. This is the hardest present to complete. I never knew how to write chinese so this would be a challenge! I can do it!!

     Period five is when we meet by that time i'll be recieving my present. NO NO not my birthday too I mean a Hug or a  Or something I hope. Ofcourse i'll but her another present for me to give to her myself that is also undecided.  Man I never been through this much before but for her it's an acception.

                                                                Love You

                                                                    Shu

     The first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning was my girlfriend's expression when I gave her that rose. I also thought of her birthday that is coming up. Hmmmm gave it a thought and concluded with this, buy her flowers in the morning (12 roses) (6 other type) and shock her in the morning. Then after school we're going to to the movies. Then probably eat the end the night with a sweet hug or a kiss . Hmm should also add a present. Should I? Think i'm using a lot of money already but I want her to have the best birthday EVER!!  

     Back to the trip to Roosevelt Island. The trains was messed up. No train goes to ROosevelt Island. I asked many times How can we get there and they said you have to take the shuttle. shuttle=train right? How dumb can I be? They meant the shuttle bus out of the stop Queen Plaza. Before we found out we were traveling in circles.

     Finally we got out of the confusion and soon took the bus to our destination. It was beautiful viewing across the bridge. When we got there we found a bench and we sat there and we talked for a long time with the Bright Blue river in front of us. Our conversation carried on and it got to a point she told me her past. She told me something that I didnt need to know and would be better if I didnt know. I was disappointed throughout the whole trip after she teared about her incident. I try to cover it like I didnt mine but I really cant. It even still lives on with me now. Evertime I think of that incident I feel really angry. To stop thinking about it I'll have to recall sweet moments and thing we did together. She said did she mine I said no but really I did a lot. I really wish my brain was a hard drive so I can just delete the memories I didnt want to remember. Ahhhhhhhhhh What should I do? I really love her and I'm not going to let go but ......... Man I dont know so much confusion. For her i'll try to overcome this.

     Once again I have to go to school. Have to plan out the party with my friend. Bye bye miss you all.  

     Yes!!! No school today i slept like a pig well maybe not a pig but i had good sleep. Hehehe I woke my girlfriend up by a text message. We then meet and went to play handball. Man I suck. Had been a while guess I lost it. She kicked my ass a few times but next time its my turn. Had fun at the park.

     Everytime I see her playing with her friends I become very jealous. How she spends time with them and not me but I know its not her problem its mine. I guess I love her too much I want her all by myself. I'm a greedy boy or i'm thats the feeling when you fall in love? Whatever it is I have to overcome that feeling and not to spend so much time with her because i'm afraid that one day shes going to be bored of me and find me really annoying. Lets just hope that day will never come.

     I dont know why I did what I did today. I brought her a rose and gave it to her. Her expression changed. She instantly gave me a kiss. Ahhhhhhh  i'm greedy I wanted another one. I dont know what hit her but I liked that feeling she was giving me. The hand holding was tighter than ever feels like we are closer. Can a rose do so much? We were just chatting 10 minutes ago she kept on calling me honey. That felt mad good she doesnt say those stuff that offen.

     Ahhhh tired. Why am I always tired? I dont know beside I have to do some research. I'll continue my life story tomorrow. Bye Bye. Miss you READERS  hehe.....

     Just came back from the laundromat. Nah its not my dirty clothes its my girlfriend's. I spend 2 1/2 hours with her over there with her because i felt that she might be bored by herself. I also put in my jacket and washed it with her clothes. Felt mad good when i was walking home with my just done jacket. What a day! Tomorrow no school for some reason which I dont know but oh well its a day off just live with it.

     Today I really went to thought about my relationship after hearing a suggestion from my Music teacher. After I got the homework for my girlfriend (she got college course in the morning) from the same music teacher she said me a question. She asked what you getting out this? I answered nothing. Then she said I should get a new girlfriend you're a good/nice boy. I regret my answer. If i could answer that quesiton 1 more time I would have said thats hows love is you'll do anything just for a smile from your lover.

     Haha I got a perfect plan for my girlfriend's birthday that is coming up soon. I made a puzzle for her but I cant wait that long to give it to her so I did. Now i got no present but i also wrote a poem with the puzzle. I place the poem in back of the puzzle in back of the frame. I thought she had founded it but now I got a present to give her, Yea Yea I know cheap but i took mad time to make it up its not that good but i gave a lot of time in to it hope she likes it.

     Sorry homework kicks in again, Have to do a big chunk of my homework to spend time with my girlfriend tomorrow. Hope we going to have fun tomorrow she said she wanted to play handball tomorrow. Long time no play but still got the skills. Bye Bye have a great day off

     Today I went shopping at 34th street. Ofcourse I went with my girlfriend. We had a good time well thats atleast what I think. I didnt buy a lot of stuff i only brought a jacket. On the other hand my girlfriend brought a lot. We shopped around for 4 hours.

     When I brought her home she told me to buy her a pack of chips so I did. She then place a $50 dollar folded heart in my bag because last time we when shopping i brought her a lot of stuff and she didnt want me to claim that I brought it for her so she gave me back the money. Well I knew that $50 was for me when she said she had something for me while she was folding the heart.

     Sorry I have to delay the trip to Roosevelt Island because I have to finish reading my book to do my book review. There a lot to do in senior year. Have to prepare for a lot of things. Ok bye bye Good night Sweet dreams.  

 

     Feel mad tired, I had to wake up at 6 and dress up. I left around 7 a.m. When I got there I had to wait on line to get register for the SAT. I didnt have my ticket so I have to get through a lot before taking the test. Soon it was all over and I came home.

     Back to my "First Kiss"..... It all happen in my junior year when I have to study for regents. I asked my girlfrfiend to come over to my frrien'd home to study. We soon got there and had started studing math and physics. She taught me math I taught her physics. The more we're drawn to studying the more tiring we got. We then stared at eachother for a long time and then we did it. That sweeting of that kiss even when down to my heart. It was then that I know she loves me.

     Did you have the same experience? Oh there are a lot of romantic moments I treasure. It would take the 20 Xanga accounts to hold all my feeling and memories.

     Next time I will talk about the time we went to Roosevelt Island and the time we had spend together there.

     Good Morning Its now 6:45 a.m. I just woke up from a nightmare. I was glad that it was all a dream. Dont you have bad times in your life and you wish it was just a dream? My relationship is complex right? I'll stop talking about it for a few days ok?  I'll talk about the memories that will never be forgotten.  

     Hahahaha.... This memory will live on for both of us.This is how we started..... It all happen with 2 sheets of paper. Around a year ago when I was in the 11th grade she thought I was stupid playing with an easer and a ruler. That class was mad boring I dont get how she could manage to participate. I thought she was some nerd. Then as time when on we got to know eachother more and started to spend more time together.

     One day changed it all. She asked me to lend her my physics H.W (not a "nerd" after all) so I gave it to her. The next day I didnt see her online nor in school. I started to get worry (about my H.W not her) and I yelled at her globally throughout the whole school. Then the next day after that she still wasnt in school that ticked me off I was superfluously mad so I did more yelling and even called her a "bitch"

     The next morning I saw her infront of Ms. Wangs room I was about to charge up to her and yell at her but I saw a mad, full of hatre look on her face so I knew something bad was going to happen. Next second I realize she was charging at me so I try to dodge her. Oh I was hitted and kicked a few times.

     Oh when she explained the she was sick for the two days I few bad but not that bad cause when I went to hang in my H.W it was late. That beating was kinda fun cause every hit she threw at me it didnt hurt a bit This moment is often mention. Oh how I treasure this memory.

     Hey its school time again I have to go now. talking next time ok  I'll probably post another memory tomorrow, Next time will be ......... The first kiss i gave her!  

     Ahhhhh... Kinda tired. Man! Can you believe it I went to school on Halloween? Today was very mundane. Nothing new but I promise to write yesterday. What should I write about my boring life or my relationship? Ok Ok Shouldnt even ask.

     Felt so lonesome this morning when I was walking to school alone. This isnt often because I tend to pick up my girlfriend at her building. I leave extra early to walk over ( not located on the path of my school) and pick her up and walk her to school. When had I mention that I do so she said I didnt ask you to. Hmmm kinda hurt but I just take it as a joke and gives her a smile like this

     Today my attempt to be more flexible wasnt a success. I dont know why when I say something I cant do it. I feel like a loser. My plan was to make her give me back that feeling but it didnt work. The more I care less the more pain i'm in. She still had the same attutide of not caring. I still have that feeling that she still loves me. Lets hope she does.

     She once said to me that "The more I think of you the more i hate you thats because I care" I was touched by her words. Her way of treating me isnt always been so bad its a sometime thing. Sometimes good and sometimes bad.

     Am I asking too much from her? Am I giving her too much pressure? Am I just thinking too much? I dont know when to treat her well and when to not. I sure can go for a hug from her now.

     I always thought she was the one for me but i'm having doubts now. Her apparence in my life had always been special. I never had this feel about anyone else before. I really love her a lot. I think you can tell him these 2 entry. Can you?

     Hey cant talk any more. I have to do my homework and study for the SAT( this saturday) wish me luck passing. Well there isnt a passing grade but a high grade. OK thankz for you luck i'll need a lot of it. BYE BYE

     Oh..... Its now 6:55 a.m. Almost time for school. These days I havent feeling myself. The old, happy Danny. I now have a habit of waking up at 6 a.m. Dont know why is that. Maybe I miss my girlfriend too much I even see her in my dreams these few days (No, not wet dreams). 

     I have a conversation with my girlfriend yesterday it was about being strong on our relationship. I guess i'm being too strong on our relationship think I should loosing up. Shes very flexible. Guess I have to change to be more flexible too because I end up hurting myself.

     Yesterday after i finish my college one on one I ran downstairs to my chinese teacher to look for her. She wasnt there then I ran downstairs to the cafeteria to look. No luck I ran up to the 5th floor to see if she was there. Nope that feeling is really empty. The eagerness to wanting to see her. I then went down to the 3rd floor to the tutoring room. I founded her my frown turned to a smiley and my emptiness was once full with love . I sat there next to her hoping she would say something sweet. She didnt even look at me that was OK since she was doing her H.W. I sat there watching her still hoping she would say something sweet. I cant hold it no more and I said i went all over to look for you (hoping she would response with O you did I was here all along or something like that) but she response with none of my business. My heart was ripped. I sat there for a little longer then I left cause I cant take that from someone I love.

     Seems like I'm doing too much. Shes not appreciating none of it. I would like her to say Thankz Honey when I take off my shirt on a cold October evening to cover her cause I thought she was cold. Nope you're right thats not the response I got. She said you just took it off I didnt ask you. She then gave me back it i didnt put it back on because that shirt cant help me I was cold both outside and inside.

     I have decided to not be so caring to her no more but I still love her a lot. I'm not going to show it anymore.

     Cant talk no more I have to go to school. I'll continue my writing tomorrow OK? Promise