My birthday is coming up…. Hope you peeps remember! … DAMN my birthday is on a Thursdays I have to work on that day. L  It’s been 10 years since I celebrated my birthday with a cake and friends. It’s been mostly me and myself…sitting in front of the computer. So… not expecting anything thing special this year, just hope some of ya remember to say happy birthday when you see me online.

     How you peeps been doing? I’ve been doing a lousy job on keeping in touch with ya. I’ll make sure I will find some time to make up for my error.

     Sometimes I just wish there was another me, one who I could talk to. One who has the patience to listen as I expression my emotions. One that could give me advice and guide me through my troubles. Is there someone out there as portrayed? When I’m caught by sadness my companion will seek out the root of my sorrows and not say simple words such as cheer up. A companion who would share the same tears as me. I’m so in need for someone…. One who I can freely tell every little thing to.

     Ever had that feeling when something had happen in your life, both good or bad you couldn’t wait to inform him or her and all you want in return is a compliment or a sign of care? Such one’s words matter so much to you? A simple word could turn your smile upside down. When you’re outside, living your life like anyone would….. you will still find time to think of him or her. And when you’re at home, in front of your computer doing nothing but waiting for him or her to come on to share their day with you. The desire to see him or her/talk to him or her would be a necessity. You’ll treasure every moment, second you were together. When he or she is with her opposite sex friends ignoring you, you will feel a little jealous. These feelings are nature. Slowly your emotions would grow toward him or her. You’ll realize your life doesn’t belong to you anymore, it has found its new proprietor. You’re life then revolve around this person. Someday or one day you’ll realize this person is more than a friend… It’s your first love… If he or she isn’t your first then they’re your next.

“It is not him, nor her, nor them, nor it that you belong to!”

Why don’t I feel as this quote is told? My life has found its new owner and I’m no longer in control. I had fallen in to another eternal trap. Trying to free myself from this gloomy, lonesome darkness. Only my proprietors’ runs through my mind like fleshes streaming in blood. Maybe it’s part of life that one has to suffer in such pain. I could only ask why….

     “Some times, in some age, bodies of men and woman had been buried here, houses had stood here, had fallen, and gone back into the earth. So would your house, some times, return into the earth, bodies also. Each had its turn at this earth.” The Good Earth by Pearl Buck. Editted by me... What you guys think?

     Sitting here, nothing to do. listening to the newly upload song.... zipping from a bottle of Triple Black. feeling both motionless and emotionless.......just thinking........what a depressing day!

     Yawn Yawn….. Hey how ya doing this morning? Shit, I’m feeling mad tired. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. No I didn’t have sex. Yesterday I was playing handball for the whole day at second ave. When I got back home I could hardly move. I’ll never play intensively again….unless I’m playing for money.

     July is coming soon. My PSAL job starts on the 1^st and my birthday is on the 3^rd. should I plan something for my birthday or just leave it as it is? When was the last time I have a birthday party……hmmmm…..12 years ago? Oh wells it’s not important I’m more concern about my jobs. Well that’s if I get accepted to my other job. If everything is well planned I should be working from 9am. – 5pm. and taking courses at Baruch College from 5:30pm. – 10:30pm. Hope I’m not drained out from the first day of this schedule I set for myself. You guys think that’s too much? Leave your comments… I’ll take a look at it.

     Hey, how you guys doing this morning? Yup, it’s me writing 2 entries consecutively. It’s been so long since I wrote. Oh wells…. Guess I got back into the habit of writing. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

     No School for us seniors, and for the rest of ya…. HAHAHA good luck with the Regents. If you fail, don’t be stressed out, you still got next year. After a while we’ll all miss school, don’t deny it. School is not just a place to learn and get lectured by your teachers, there’s more too it. It’s also a place where you hangout with your friend, yes just like outside. Also a place for you lovebirds to grow emotionally. Whatever… Hope you all would remember your high school life. Peace…Wish the best of you in the years to come.  

     Hey, what you guys had been up too? Me? The usual…. Oh yea! How you like the new settings on my xanga? Crappy? Well screw you….. I don’t care….. I haven’t been up to much. I’m just trying to fix my new laptop. It’s not great but it’s just right for a student going to Barach college. Tomorrow is going to be the last day of school. A year passes by so fast, tomorrow I have to say goodbye to all my new friends. Keep In Touch.

     I’m still planning my summer agenda. Should I go to Jap or stay in New York? I don’t want to disappoint my friends, but I don’t really want to go. I want to stay in the city and play tennis for the rest of the summer. I’m afraid that my friend won’t take my other friends if I don’t go and plus his place isn’t so big. I don’t think it’s going to fit 5 or 6 peepz. Whoo…. Lot of pressure…… Hope they could understand.

     I was kind of worry about my friend Kim, but now she “got back” with her boyfriend I’m happy for her. Hope they won’t experience a break-up again.

Last but not least…………. No luck with Annie.

Think I’m going to give up and move on.

Finally…….