I was mad tired when I woke up. I spend 3 hrs talking about his/mine problems involving girls. From 12a.m-3a.m. I don’t know why, but I can really relate myself to him. It's like both of our relation are similar, but he’s right his is worst. I gave him a lot of advice to relax himself; but then I couldn’t help myself, what makes me think I can help him. I guess it’s just how life is, you fall get back up and fall again until you find a perfect platform where you can never fall again. I gave myself him, and time is all I need; now I can say I’m full recovered. Thanks to my friends that stood by my side.

     “You can’t promise a promise.” Even though you made a promise, you can't promise to keep it. Promises are just lies or temporary expression. That was then and this is now. Promises don’t last forever. Love also. Nothing in this world lasts forever. Forever, this word is so redundant. I told myself once and so did her “I’ll love you forever” but then look at me now, Apart! I don’t get how a person can be so simple; don’t really care about other’s emotions. I can totally compare myself to my friend; I can feel his pain and struggle. I wish I can help, but first I have to help myself and build myself back together and not let my friends worry about me.  

     Wow!! Today was the best, I absolutely didn’t dream at all. I slept at 12:30 and I woke up 30 mins ago without dreaming. So unusual. Well, I know that this isn’t going to last, soon I’ll be having back those dreams again and waking up with misery. “~As~DiStAnCE~TEsTs~a~hOrSe's~StReNgTh~S0~tIme~reVeaLS¤~a~peR§0n'S~ heArT~” I guess this applies to me. “Only time can tell time” ç my quote. Maybe all I need is time but how long and patients?

     Just seems like endless amount of work these days. I’m always so occupied and have something to do. If it isn’t the finance paper due tomorrow, it’s the math H.W. that is due 2 days from today, which I don’t even know how to solve number 1. So many things are due before the vacation and tests are being distributed tomorrow. Ahhhhhhh…      

     Is winning that important to one? I personally think that winning is a great contribution to one’s emotion. Who doesn’t like a taste of victory? Sometimes winning isn’t that important; in matter of fact losing is essential too, facing the fact that you’ve lost in a game. Don’t you feeling sometimes life is just a game. There are times that you have won and times you have lost. It’s kind of funny to think of it, each one of us is like a character in a video game controlled by someone else. That’ll be cool.

     Game Over!!. Don’t you just hate that phrase? Putting all your effort into playing a game and suddenly, out of no where Game Over. Just start over. “Easy said than done” Starting over is so hard, out of scratch you have to build up your character again. Look on the bright side, your lost can be contributed to your next victory. Sometimes I care/worry/concern about winning so much but, I’ve forgot the true meaning of playing the game. Like is so competitive, everyone wants to known as a winner not a loser. For every winner there are plenty of losers. I don’t know what my point is but just think about it you’ll understand.

Good night!

     Is it possible to remain friends with your ex-girlfriend? This is an opinion question so it’s Okay if you disagree with me. This is how I see it; no, it isn’t possible. Especially if you’ve gone out for a long time and really understand each other. Sudden she calls out a break-up without giving you a good explanation. Days after that are harsh. You’ll constantly have memories and image of her. Daydreams and dreams are all about her. You’re already having so much difficulties and plus you have to deal with her. When you’re around her you’ll tend to get as close as you can but realizing that you’ve lost this bond, you have to stop yourself from being too friendly. That feeling is like wanting to wear that shirt that you really love but it doesn’t fit no more. Being around her is one of the hardest things I had to overcome. There isn’t anything to say to her anymore. I see her trying to get me talking to her but I just can’t. I have so much to say but I just don’t know how to put it. When I’m around her I feel the pain and love and when I’m not I feel it too. So neither way I still feel it. IT just hurt so much. So tired of convincing myself. So tired of every shit. So speechless. Maybe if we’re driven to our conversation I’ll remember those memories we shared. When I’m around her I don’t know what to do. Am I still a Boyfriend? Ex-boyfriend? Friend? Stranger? Sometimes I want to hold her hand but I know she wouldn’t allow me to or just a hug. Hearing her laughter makes me want to cry. How can one have no emotion toward this break-up, it’s like she didn’t really care. My friends encourage me to accept the fact it’s over and just be friends. But do you know it’s this hard? Do you know how much it hurts? DO you know? I finally found a friend that really understands how I’m feeling. When I asked him this question he answered no and gave me all explanation that I was feeling. I felt so happy to know that there is such a person out there that felt the same way.

     Yesterday when I left my friend’s home he grabs a bag of something. I asked who it is for he answered his girlfriend’s name. I came to think why he could just say his girlfriend since I don’t really know his girlfriend’s name. I asked him what is it and he answered just 2 caps and a necklace. Why 2 caps? He answered that she wanted the red one but I thought that the blue one would look good on her. Why a “sweet guy” like him have to be treated like this. We called and called. She finally said it’s time. She told us to come over. So we walked there. I asked him is it for her birthday and he answered yes? When was it? He said last week. Why didn’t she take it last week? Because she kept on saying tomorrow, tomorrow he answered like she didn’t really care about her present from a special boyfriend. When we got up there he called her and asked her to come out and take it. I was amazed when he just threw it on the floor. I asked him aren’t you going to see her or give it to her in person? He answered it doesn’t matter. You spend so much time picking out the present, you can at least get a hug or a kiss or just a simple thank-you. He said he didn’t care. I wait for her to come out and I saw her for the first time. She was ok. Their relationship reminds me of ours, used to be ours but no anymore. I guess he was mad or me or something he just left me in the dark. I just wanted to tell him stop convincing yourself, If she loves you can feel is just don’t convince yourself like I do all the time. I soon found myself gradually walking into the streets ignoring traffic lights. I felt so sad. When I heard the Honk that when I really woke up from my daydream. A car honked at me when I was charging out to the streets during a green light. Nothing happen after that, I just walked home.

If you need me Buddy, I’m here

     Good morning! Today is my day to present my presentation. I’m very excited because I guess since I work so hard on it I would like to share it with others. Hmmm… my perspective it’s perfect, everything is so well done. This project inspired me a lot to work hard. I think if anyone would willing to put in the effort and try they can accomplish. I’ll tell you how it was when I come back.

     Another dream of her, I just can’t get her out of mind. Every since we’re apart I’ve been having dreams. What do they all mean? Is it just my desires? What ever it is its really painful. Everything just seems to remind me of her especially the Mtvs. L  I’m okay. Once again time for school. Wish me luck on my presentation.

     Hey, Good morning. I finally got back to my habit of waking up early. It’s kind of refreshing watching the sky so gloomy. When the sun rises it symbolizes a new start and beginning. What was done is done, it’s known as the past history. There’s no point of looking back all the time. Why put a depressed face on when you can give a smirk to others? As a friend who wants to see so friend so depressed? To overcome the problem, you have to face it and solve it before it gets worst.

     The bright sun is so beautiful and meaningful. The sun lights up everyone’s world from despair and darkness. Symbolizes a new day and with that new day I’ll try to bring happiness to my friends as much as I can. What does it means to be a friend? I haven’t ever sought the answer to this question until yesterday.  Being a friend would care, understand, and won’t hurt your emotions in any ways.  A friend will always be there got you through the sorrows and the contentment. “A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.” “A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.” “A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.” “One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement.” Can you still be friends with the person you love? No, the way you treat them is totally different. You’ll tend to do stuff that goes against your values but you think it’s worth it because you love him or her. Love is love, friends are friends. The feeling is totally different. Thinking about them all the time and wondering… if their thinking back at you. Risking it all just to make her laugh. Staying beseide her and comforting her when she's down. Trying to protect her. When you see them you’re heart pounds and convincing yourself not to be so close. The feeling is so harsh, suffering, painful, and anguish. Just want to escape from it all but doesn’t that makes me a loser?

     I’m to baffle to think. J (Forced) Yeah, it’s picture day today. What should I wear? Doesn’t matter. Just be yourself, isn’t that’s what life is all about? Being yourself?

     I’m just always depressed. Around her, I try my best to put on a smirk or two. Why I put on a smile when I’m sad? I just don’t want her to feel bad or feel like it’s her fault that I’m sad. When I’m alone, I can’t even mange to force a smile. I can’t help this emotion. If I could choose I would just delete all my memories I had with her; deleting isn’t so easy, it’s an important and essential part of my brain. Even deleting a file from the computer, it’ll ask you “are you sure you want to delete this file.” It’s so sad how everything I see, think, hear reminds me of her. Sitting there alone, hearing her laughter just makes me want to cry. There’s just so much I want to say and tell her but I guess I can’t. Sometimes I convince myself that she’s still thinking about me but now I’m sick and tired of it. It’s just so hard to be friends with someone you once loved. “You don’t really have to be with the person in order to be happy.” I find this quote to be so untrue. How can you be happy without the person you love being around you? I guess I’m not that type of guy huh?

     I feel like the girl in the Mtv, all gone when she opens her eyes. I know how she feels, happy one second, sad the next. Life is full of surprises; things can just happen the next second that can change your whole life around. For example Me! I was shocked when I heard the news from her e-mail.

     It’s so hard for me to be around her. I guess after today I’ll lose all contact with her. I’ll need to build myself up again. Just seems like I collapsed when I lost her. I don’t know how long it’ll take but in the meanwhile I won’t be seeing her. I hope she understands, unlike her I’m weak at these emotions.

     I'm afraid that our relationship can't be the same. I don't know if she really care but I do. I really missed those times we shared. So sweet but so bitter. See here I go again, it's just sad how you are writing about your emotions and a sad song just comes on.

     I wish she feels better after all these days’ she been sick.

I wish your Wish(es) may come true!! J

     Hey, I finally finished my story. Hope you liked it; I really put a lot of effort into it. Do you kind of have a feeling that you’re one of the characters in the story or you just have a 3^rd person perspective? The ending is one of the best because I’ve took it from a scene from a Mtv. Well I didn’t really bite off of them, I was looking for an unforgettable, sad ending and that Mtv gave me an idea. Oh wells, hope you benefited from or learned something from my story.

     This story is really created for Shu, I hope she liked it as well as I did. It’s really hard to put all you feelings in a diary form all the time so I created something new to attract my viewers. This story came out of my heart and feelings.

     Yesterday was one of my cherished memories. It was Shu’s Birthday Surprise, which I’ve planned over a month. I’ve tried to make it her best birthday ever, but I guessed failed. What caused my failure? I really don’t know, guessing just my emotions. Sometimes it’s really hard to act in front of her. My friend asked me a very good question “Are you going to present it to her as a Boyfriend? Ex? Friend?” This answer to this question I really don’t know. I’m always having mixed feelings. Sometimes I feel like hugging her or talking to her but I have to hold it in because I’ve lost that privilege. Well I’ll explain more next time.

     I was really excited when I woke up in the morning. I dressed up really fast and charged out the door. I called my friend and asked him to lead the way to the flower shop, which opens before 9. I felt so stupid when I was downstairs, I’ve forgot to bring my backpack. Ahhhh… I then had to run back up to get it. I once again charged down the stairs. Running at a tremendous speed, I almost can in to a car. I didn’t want my friend to wait for me since he was doing me a big favor already.

     When I got to the shop I begged for 12 roses but they didn’t sell a dozen. I then had to pay for HumHum (Can’t tell) roses. I’ve never seen flowers as beautiful as it. First mission of the surprise wasn’t so surprising. She somehow knew I was at that corner hiding. ???? Well, It just went on with another half a dozen flowers to represent her birthday, 12/6. LoL creative aren’t I?

     I waited anxiously till after school and her responses. I was kind of afraid that she wouldn’t go to the movies with me but I had a pretty good feeling she didn’t want to. After I brought her home I hasty went to Elizabeth Center to buy her another present that I’ve been searching for a while. I then went home to prepare for everything. (The Night Surprise)

     We then went to eat. At that dinner I didn’t felt so good but I still hung on. I felt a little sick but I didn’t want to disappoint her so I didn’t spoke much and also didn’t eat much. I’m sorry; if I’ve been a little happier it would have been a better birthday for her.

     After we’ve finish, it was kind of late so she suggested that we shouldn’t watch a movie this late. As much as I wanted to I answered Okay. While we were walking home she said me to carry her. Hehe. I still remember the last time she asked me to, mad heavy. It was about 3 months ago. Shu and her sister insisted that we should hangout together. At that same day she hanged me one of the many presents that I adore, a name chain with a symbol of her next to it. (The one on my cell phone) She was wearing high heels like yesterday. She asked me to carry her because she was unable to walk with those high heels. So I did. Her sister was shocked about my willingness. Yeah those were the times. I once again answered okay but she rejected her own offer so I stood quiet. I then brought her to a dark alley with no presents. She was scare and so was I. I’ve picked my favor spot for the Night Surprise. I told her to close her eye and she did. When she opened it, a hallowed glow was before her eyes. It was a candle that was decorated in a cup of jelly form. I asked her to make a wish then blow it out. Wow. I didn’t know she had so much to wish for. After she made her wish or wishes I told her to close her eyes once again. I put my arms around her and put on a necklace that I brought for her. I didn’t know did she like it because she’s that type that tells you its good when it’s bad. Well I could tell most of the times. I then sang happy birthday to her. OMG I’ve never thought I could sing right on the pitch. It was kind of late, I had to go home. I watched her while she walked up the stairs. I ran home as fast as I could. I felt kind of dizzy and ill. My stomach was killing me. When I got home I collapsed, I went straight to sleep but I couldn’t. I really wanted to tell my mom it hurts but i couldn’t. She’s going to yell at me with daggering words. I was in so much pain but I still mange to sent Shu the ending of my story.

     The next morning, Dan brought her flowers and a cassette. Dan didn’t even say a word to her. Before he left, Dan played his tape for Sue. “Sue, I’m sorry for breaking that promise I made last night. I really want to spend every last second with you but I can’t. To tell you the truth, this pass year I meet someone else. She really loves me and I really love her. I’m really sorry. Don’t wait or cry for me. Stay in there, you can overcome your fear. One day you’ll see again.” played the tape. Tears were like running water. Sniffing and sobbing. Dan standing by the door also felt daggers stabbing his heart watching Sue in that much pain. Every night Sue would tend to replay the tape, over and over again. “Dan I miss you” said Sue.

     Weeks had passed painfully. No matter how much she wanted to give up she didn’t. She wants to survive and hopefully see Dan with her own eyes again. Knock Knock “Can I come in?” asked the doctor. “Sue, we have good news. Doctor Smith is from Europe and he has confidence that he can open you vision again. Do you want to give it a try?” “Yes yes” she answer with excitement. She was so happy and excited from receiving her good news.

     At the day of the surgery, Sue really wanted Dan to be there by her side. “Sorry, you can’t bring that in the emergency room” demanded the nurse. “Ok” she quickly hid the necklace under her pillow. When she was in the emergency room she felt Dan’s present. She thought to herself “It’s just my imagination” When the surgery was done, she had a good night rest.

     When she woke up the next day she searches for her necklace. “Where is it? I put it here yesterday” said to herself. She then fell on the floor still searching. “Is this what you are looking for?” asked the nurse. She blindly grabbed the necklace with tenderness and answered “Yes, thanks a million.”

     The day had come, when it is time for Sue to unwrap her darkness. She opened her eyes slowly hoping that Dan will be the first person she sees. She winked at first then slowly opens her eyes again. She saw her father, mother, sisters but no Dan. She felt very depressed. Sue finally decided to search for him at his home. When she arrived at Dan’s apartment, she knocked and knocked. No answer. “They moved a couple of days ago” said a neighbor. She left with despair.

     Half a year had passed. Winter had become summer. Sue was getting tired of her search. One day after school she rushed to meet her friends at the beach. At day same day she remember it’s also Dan’s birthday. Sue and her friends were having a beach party and she was late. At the corner of the block she ran in to a man. “Sorry” she said. She bends over and helped him pick up his books. The man was really weird. He worn shades and all black from head to tails like he was hiding from someone. “It’s okay. I got it” he said. He then bends over with her picking up his books. His flat palms were taping everywhere like he was blind. He accidentally touched Sue face. It was weird how Sue didn’t reject his mistake. She just looked dully at him. “Sorry” he apologized. He then walked slowly with his blind stick. “Danny” she screamed.

     Yes, it was the only thing Dan could do to bring back Sue’s vision. This sacrifice was reasonable to Dan. Dan didn’t leave Sue all along. He kept far away from her, watching her every moves. Dan didn’t know was he doing the right thing. He felt that watching her like this was the hardest thing ever. His love for her told him what he was doing was right and it's worth it.

 

 

What was once reality, now are dreams.

Once I can touch and feel; now I can only visualize.

Once I was in love, now I’m just puzzled.

What was once happiness, now are just memories.

Those fantasies seem so real but it’s just my imagination.

Wake up! It’s just a nightmare.  

     Dan waited anxiously on the uncomfortable, hospital chair. His eyes can hardly mange to open. There’s just too much on Dan’s mind to so to sleep. Right when Dan was about to fall asleep, he heard a voice. “Excuse me, Are you related to the patient?” asked the doctor “Yes, I am” responded Dan without thinking. “I’ve bad news. I’m afraid that her eyes can never see again” announced the doctor. Dan was just too stunned to even react. Dan reached in his pocket and remembers that he didn’t give Sue her present yet. With a fake smirk he enters the room and sits beside her, holding her hand. “I’ll always stay beside you” Dan said. Dan’s tears were like running water, dripping on Sue’s face. Dan then wiped her face tenderly and gave her a kiss. Dan placed her gift beside her and left.

     “What is there to do? What is there I can do?” he begged the doctor. “Only if someone is willing to sacrifice their vision to save hers” he answered. There was a long paused. Dan gradually walked home, kicking rocks and screaming “Why.”  That night he can’t sleep, thinking about Sue’s reaction when she finds out she lost her vision.

     Dan visited her the next day. When Dan entered, there was no sound at all. He some how figured that she had found out. “Sue Sue” he called. No answer. When Dan got closer he heard she sniffing. “What’s wrong Honey?” he asked. No answer. Dan sat beside her and asked her to turn over. Sue pushed him away. “Sue, I know how you feel. I once was in your situation. It feels like the world had ended and so did your future. No! Be strong and believe in yourself.” Sue then turned over and gave Dan a hug. “Stay here with me. Don’t go. Don’t leave Me.” sobbing over Dan’s shoulder “Don’t worry, Dan Dan is going to stay beside throughout the night” he answered. “Let me put that on for you” taking the gift from Sue’s hand. Dan puts on the platinum necklace on her neck. “Happy Birthday” Dan said with a smile.