My mind is once again thinking. All of a sudden my mind is questioning. I remember my friend telling me, “questioning is caring.” Why do I care so much? Hmmmm again… I have fallen in to a trap, a dark hole of loneness, isolation. I can no longer have clear thoughts; every thing that passes through my mind involves her. Where’s she at? What she doing? She’s been part of my life. I could only socialize among my friends. This devotion is so strong, I can no longer control. Her image seems to control my mental and physical state. I tried hiding, escaping from this agony, but it always come back to haunt me. I tried killing myself with tons of duties, but it just brings more stress. Wondering on the streets is what I’ve been doing lately. Has this reached too far? I guess I’m going crazy once again. Secluded myself in a room with just enough lights to type this little memo, to remind myself how forlorn I am. In the book Death of a Salesman by Arthur miller, Tom finds the fire escape as a sanctum, where conceal from the world. I guess I’m feeling the same way except that my fire escape is outside and I’m inside. I have my little “spot” where I sit and thinking. What have I done wrong? I guess the most amiss thing I’ve done was to fall in love with her. I have no one to blame but myself. My professor once said that when you’re being love by your family and relatives, there’s no need for a romantic partner. At home, I’m not getting the attention need for a human being. Maybe what I’m trying to say is that I need someone that could talk to me and be there for me. Not just a close friend; some one that likes you and transverse. What’s the silliest thing I do is staring at my buddy list until she comes on. I find that pitiful but it’s something I can’t manage. Wow I haven’t realized that it’s almost a year since I had this Xanga. At first, my feelings were the same, sad, gloomy and now, the same; it still hasn’t change. I presume I’m one sad kid. Well there isn’t anything that can be done; at least I hope you’re happy. J “always put a smile on your face”

                                    Also a new song you all the lonely peepz out there